29 Years Ago Today...

My mom gave birth to me! :)

While normally my birthdays are week long celebrations and I feel it should be a national holiday..this one is different.

Still at the age of 29, I am only a mother to an angel baby. I will be spending the day without my husband (because of his work schedule). This is the last year before I hit the dreaded age of 30. And to top it all off...Wait for it....


....AF decided to show today...making this cycle a 38 day'er.


So here's to me today! :(

Hope and I are breaking up!

Tonight has been a really hard night. All I can do is ask myself why? Why does the short end of the stick always end up on my end? Why does all the bad luck end up in my corner? Why me?

I have always said that the only thing I want in life is to be a mom. Thats all! I'm not asking for the world...or am I? Is that why? Is it to much for me to ask to be a mom? I won't even be greedy...just give me one baby love and live my life for. JUST ONE!

I did everything the "right" way. I graduated highschool. I went to college (took a year off ) and graduated with a bachelors degree. I found an amazing man who can look beyond my imperfections and love me for who I am unconditionally. And yet here are kids out there having baby after baby by a different guy each time and I cant make my husband a daddy!! Why?! I get that I'm broken but damnit give me at least an ounce of a chance to make that dream come true!!

Before I got pregnant before "hope" and I were not on good terms. Now I really think that we will never be friends again. I just can't seem to let hope around. It hurts way more if I do. I wasn't (or haven't been) since we have been nt/np. I'm really at a bad place emotionally.. As much as I thought I was doing better.. I guess I was wrong!

posted from Bloggeroid

Adding to Obsession Land Trip

If you missed my trip to obsession land check it out here. 


Here are a few more things that have been added to the list: 

• The shakiness has not subsided.  Usually if I don't eat on time and sometimes I need to have some sugar to help it. 
• holy mood swings. its almost like being on clomid again. 
• little miss dixie (our yorkie) will not leave my side. normally she is a "daddy's girl" but for the past few days she has to lay on my lap or if I'm sitting at the computer she is at my feet. (she did that before I found out I was pregnant before...hmmm) 

I will be testing this week. I am going to try to hold out until Sunday. If it was IB (implant bleeding) last week then Sunday will be 18 days since IB started. 

ahhhhhhhh.............. lol 

Next Stop: Obsession Land

So I told myself I would not obsess. I've told myself this over and over again. And yet here I am again..obsession land.


Why am I obsessing, you might ask. Here are the reasons:

• Haven't seen an official AF since the end of Jan 
• very light "old blood" spotting for about 3 days last week
• Today I just feel "off" - like shaky and "weird"
• my left eye will NOT stop twitching. yes its annoying as all get out! 
• can't get rid of this bloat I've had for almost 2 weeks (Mike's been home for 2 weeks...hmmmm!) 
• flutters/twinges every so often on my side
• last week I couldn't get enough to eat -- which could contribute to the bloating this week but yet its another reason I am living in obsession land. 

Dear God, I really need to stay away from Dr. Google!!!!