Tonight has been a really hard night. All I can do is ask myself why? Why does the short end of the stick always end up on my end? Why does all the bad luck end up in my corner? Why me?
I have always said that the only thing I want in life is to be a mom. Thats all! I'm not asking for the world...or am I? Is that why? Is it to much for me to ask to be a mom? I won't even be greedy...just give me one baby love and live my life for. JUST ONE!
I did everything the "right" way. I graduated highschool. I went to college (took a year off ) and graduated with a bachelors degree. I found an amazing man who can look beyond my imperfections and love me for who I am unconditionally. And yet here are kids out there having baby after baby by a different guy each time and I cant make my husband a daddy!! Why?! I get that I'm broken but damnit give me at least an ounce of a chance to make that dream come true!!
Before I got pregnant before "hope" and I were not on good terms. Now I really think that we will never be friends again. I just can't seem to let hope around. It hurts way more if I do. I wasn't (or haven't been) since we have been nt/np. I'm really at a bad place emotionally.. As much as I thought I was doing better.. I guess I was wrong!
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