The nightmare needs to end...SOON!

Today has been a really hard emotional day for me. I want this nightmare to end. I want it all to go away. It feels like every time I talk to the DR it doesn't get any better. Why is it so hard for me to get the one and only thing I've ever wanted in my life? Sometimes I think if I didn't do things "right" I would have a little one running around.. But on the other hand I know I wouldn't be in the same place I am right now with my life.  I have a loving and supportive husband, an amazing country living home, and the job that I have always wanted. 


I am very thankful for the things in my life. I just feel like my life is incomplete. I feel like there is something missing that means so much to me. I try not to stress. I try to just let it be. That doesn't work when your dealing with infertility. I never thought I would be in this situation. I never thought I would be dealing with the struggles, the emotional roller coaster, the ups and downs of multiple doctor appointments, the costs of taking medication that "may or may not work" and the stress of not having someone that totally understands what you're going through. 


I just want this nightmare to end. I want to get that BFP. I want to get the morning sickness. I want to get the ultrasounds. I want to get the bump. I want to feel the flutters. I want the pain that comes along with child birth...only to be able to hold the little miracle that Mike and I created together. I want all of that. The sleepless nights. The terrible twos. The horrific threes. The "I love you Mommy". The teenage years. I want it all. 


I won't be the one that complains about how I'm so tired. I won't be the one that takes for granted that I have a little one. I won't be sad that Mike and I may not be able to do something b/c we have a little one. I just want to feel complete. 


God, please make this nightmare go away...SOON!