TWW...Gah!

So the TWW is among us for the 10th time! This one feels different though. Guess we will only wait and see. {crossing fingers}

Ive had a pretty rough emotional day yesterday. Alittle backstory....

Went to the DRs on CD17- he said I o'd from the left side and my uterus looks ready for a fertilized egg. He told me to take a HPT in 5-6 days and said "it might not be positive yet but let me know" and then he wants me to start a progesterine gel in 5 -6 days bc "its for pregnant woman, I mean woman who are trying to get pregnant"...the way he talked made me think he seen something but didnt want to give me false hope.

THEN....

Talked to the Dr yesterday and he called me in a presrip for the gel in for a 30 day supply with 3 refills. Called today to find out how much it was going to be bc he originally said it could get pretty pricey. It was going to be 530.00 for 30 days! DH and I live comfortablly BUT thats outragous! Called dr to see if there was something cheaper I could do. His nurse called me back after talking to him and she said they will give me 10 - 12 samples, that will get me til at least the second week in aug (as long as AF doesnt show up). and there was a website they could order it from that would be about 300 for a month supply. I really just want to cry right now. Im tired of being broken. thats a chunk of change to shell out every month for at least 4 months. I know that having a child is expensive BUT I may not even be pregnant right now. I want to have a child more then anything in this world and I'll do whatever it takes. I just wish there was something that could be done that didnt cost so much. And with DHs career we cant exactly blow our savings before we have a child. IDK. Im so hurt right now that this is becoming harder and harder for me.

So Im going to head for a nice warm shower and call it a night. Ive held it together all day (because of the daycare littles being here) and I feel like its time to let it all out. My heart hurts that I can't be "normal", I cant be given a break for once in my life.